Further thoughts on #HowILearnedAboutIntersectionality

Yesterday the idea that you can only learn about the concept of intersectionality  through having been academically privileged was soundly addressed on twitter. 

This storify: http://storify.com/sazza_jay/howilearnedaboutintersectionality collects that discussion together. 

This link to the wikipedia article on intersectionality should answer any other queries anyone has about the basics of this concept. 

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intersectionality

Many people in the storify who talk about how they came across intersectionality  found it through peer to peer communication or through self education. That's how I came across it too. 

That doesn't mean we aren't privileged as I'm sure most of the tweeters would acknowledge. That we have the space and time and ability to seek out new terms and ideas means we have some level of freedom. On my part I am very privileged. 

Part of being intersectional is checking your privilege. And so it seems to me that being aware of how people who are oppressed differently might experience the word "intersectional" is a part of that.

For example it would be wrong to suggest that working class people can't understand the meaning of the word intersectional. They may not have come across the word but that doesn't mean they haven't experienced the thing it describes. Intersectionality isn't really an abstract idea as its rooted strongly in reality. But even if it was working class people are people and therefore capable of thinking in abstracts. 

But it wouldn't be wrong to say that some working class people will be alienated by the word. They may have a problem with academic sounding terms coming at them from people they consider to be middle class. They may well see academic words as the language of their oppressors. 

Working class people aren't the only group who have a complex relation toacademic sounding  words and the academic system they represent. 

We don't all come to words from the same place. 

Some people are intimidated by academia because they are intimidated by what they don't know. Or because they feel inferior or stupid due to systematic experiences.

A reaction against academia was one of the things that intersected for me personally when I was bullied at school. Reading books and getting good marks in exams marked me out as "other" from many of my contemporaries, as much as my lack of masculinity, my different accent, my glasses and the rest. So I'm not defending this prejudice entirely. Fear of learning new things and re-looking at the world, of checking our priviledge and assumptions is not a good thing. It helps people to remain oppressed. 

But fear of learning is a complex thing. Sure, sometimes this fear comes from privilege, people resist learning new things because those things challenge their privileges. But it also comes from the intersection of the systems that oppress people due to their class, race, gender, ability etc...

Academia isn't problematic because learning is oppressive, it's problematic because privilege and power are oppressive. Some people get a good education and its advantages. Some don't. 

When people talk about being alienated by "Oxbridge Wankers" or "absurd academic terms" they are talking about being alienated by a system which priviledges rich, white males. A system filled with intersecting oppressions. 

Academia is problematic because it isn't even meritocratic: I know very many clever people who the system hasn't recognised as clever because of the way that various oppressions intersected for them. Because they didn't have the "right" language, the "right" attitude, the "right" body.  

But even if it was a system based on "merit" it would be problematic because who decided that we would priviledge clever people over others? What systematic power structures are served by valuing intelligence over kindness for example. Why is the ability to argue valued more than the ability to empathise? 

Words have power. They help enforce power. It isn't just our fear of new things that can make us resist words, it is often the baggage those words contain. They can sound like they are trying to keep you at arms length. That they are only for clever people. That they are not for you. 

Intersectionality is a word we need because of the nature of our culture. We have to describe the world around us. And our world is one where oppressions and priviledges intersect. Some people resist the term because of their privilege, others because of their oppressions. It's important to remember both responses happen. I reckon that most resistance is probably a mix of both. 

So to sum up what I'm saying:

To acknowledge that people can have a negative response to the term intersectionality because of intersectional reasons is an intersectional thing to do. 

But acknowledging this doesn't invalidate intersectional analysis or practice. It is part of intersectional analysis and practice. 

#killallmen

"Dudes that don't realize that #killallmen means destroying Patriarchy/Capitalism/the State, not their literal immanent death, are stupid."

This tweet really stopped me in my tracks. I was trying to read the arguments on either side of this new twitter conflict, a conflict which already had me jittery and nervous, not just because of the premise of the joke/consciousness raising slogan involving the suggestion that my gender should be obliterated, but also because as usual in recent months I was watching people shouting at each other and not listening.

That triggers both my experiences growing up in an often dysfunctional family where screaming and violence often featured, and also due to the pile on, name calling, nature of twitter it also triggers my years being systematically bullied at school.

I really hope this post isn't dismissed as mansplaining. This hashtag is directed at men as individuals (or at least experienced that way, there is debate about the intended direction of its usage) and so I hope that as an individual man I have a right to comment on it. This is something I have experience of after all.

Also before I go on: I sympathise with the sentiment behind this hashtag. There are so many reasons to be angry at the patriarchy/the state/capitalism. That rage is felt more strongly by the groups I am outside of, who are affected by these systems much more seriously than I am. That rage isn't pretty but it is understandable. I am not trying to minimise the rage, although I question it's direction and methods. I am not saying all oppressions, all discriminations, all privileges are equal. And I, despite being a man, have felt that rage. I have in the past had thoughts like kill all men and I haven't had those thoughts as abstract metaphors or jokes but as a literal thoughts. I have thought men are a cancer, we are the problem, we are incapable of doing anything but harm and we should be erased.

Before someone tells me to check my privilege: I am trying to. I regularly do try and challenge what I inevitably cannot wholly see within myself. I think privilege checking is something everyone should do. But I do feel using that phrase in a way that shuts down debate with strangers whose circumstances you don't know anything about is a mistake. I accept I could have got everything wrong and if I have please put me right. I am interested in your opinion. If I am missing something in all this because of my privilege tell me what. I am open to learning more.

I consider myself an intersectional feminist amongst many other things. If you don't think men can be feminists fair enough. I thought they couldn't for years myself until some women and men persuaded me differently. But even if I can't be a feminist by your definition I hope you might consider me an ally. And if you dismiss feminism I hope one day you'll reconsider. If you are a man who doesn't feel comfortable with this term can I suggest considering at least being a MA'AM!

Before I go on to explain why I have wanted all men to be destroyed, some of the reasons that I am a feminist, and why this hashtag and the behaviours around it trigger and offend me, I just want to break down the tweet that pushed me to write this post:

"Dudes that don't realize"

This implies only men object to the hashtag. That isn't true. Many feminists are calling its use out. Here is one example.

"that #killallmen means destroying Patriarchy/Capitalism/the State not their literal immanent death"

The phrase kill all men doesn't obviously mean that. Whilst some people are using it that way it is hardly clear if you come to it out of context. A term that gives a very different impression to the one you mean to create is perhaps one to reconsider using. I'm not suggesting people shouldn't use it but assuming people will get what it means is a mistake.

Here are some respectful suggestions of alternatives:

#KillTheMan
#KillMisogyny
#DestroyPatriarchy

"are stupid."

I find the way that people are constantly dismissed online as stupid or idiotic to be problematic. It prioritises a certain kind of intelligence over others. It sets the author up as superior.

Don't get me wrong I use these terms despite trying not to. Unlike many problematic terms that I have phased out completely over my life stupid and idiot along with mad and crazy are terms I am still ironing out. And I do try and avoid word or tone policing where possible. But shouting you are stupid is not having a discourse. It is positioning yourself above others and when done many times to one person by one or more people is at best bullying.

Misogynists say women are stupid. Racists say PoC are stupid. Able-bodied people say people with disabilities are stupid. It is a way of stopping dialogue and silencing people.

I prefer to think of stupidity the way I think of evil. There are no stupid people just stupid actions.

One of the feminisms that feeds into my feminism is "the personal is the political". I hope you also see some validity in that way of thinking. Here is a personal experience that seems relevant to this debate:

When I was 12/13 years old and my mother was in the middle of a nervous breakdown caused in no small part by the effects of patriarchy on her life, she spent a lot of time shouting and crying at me as I tried in vain to persuade her to feel better.

One of the main things she instilled in me during that time was the idea that men are evil, we are wrong, we are toxic. She would mix in with her wishes that I had never been born, long diatribes on how men had ruined her life. All men were bad. Including me. Especially me.

This was an argument that made sense as I'd spent the past few years being hit and controlled by a man who had caused my mother to feel this way. (It's all much more complicated than that but I am describing how I received the information.) And when I looked at society, at how women were treated, this further confirmed this argument as truth.

Thankfully I had some balance to this with positive male role models in my life as well as negative ones. But when I began to get bullied at school in quite an extreme way, often in a homophobic and gender influenced manner, it met with this shame and guilt and I was filled (for a time) full of hatred for my gender. I was filled with hate for myself. Some of my first pieces of serious writing were about becoming a Eunuch. I wanted to rip my gender out of myself.

I still feel this way if I'm not careful.

Last Christmas I was talking to my mum about the things she had said to me during those years and she stood by her statements: men are still ultimately damaging and wrong.

I said to her how can she think that as the mother of two boys. And she said "of course I don't mean you, I mean men." And by this she is I guess saying "Patriarchy/Capitalism/the State" although to be honest I don't think her politics are quite that radical, so maybe it would be more accurate to say she means patriarchy.

But when she said that it also reminded me of misogynists who say horrible things about women. When I hear that shit I always think "don't they have sisters, daughters, mothers, female friends, how can they think this?" Sadly I think the answer they will often give is "of course I don't mean them."

Should I consider the abuse I received at school as being insignificant because I was a white, straight, middle class, currently able-bodied, cis boy? I often see people saying at the moment that oppression can only go down and not up. That aways seems to me to be a way of saying "I am better than you." I was once held down by a girl while two boys kicked me in the face. Women are often responsible for reenforcing the patriarchy. Sure they are conditioned to do so, they have internalised misogyny. But all genders have that.

Have the beatings I received from patriarchy been cancelled out by the ways I'm undoubtedly privileged due to my gender? When people spat on me and othered me by collectively using an abusive name for me did that have less effect on me because this wasn't racially orientated abuse? Does the abuse I received for not being a "real man" and for "being gay" have less effect on me because I'm straight? Yes and no. Different effects, certainly. Analogous effects arguably.

Certainly I'm not claiming I had it worse than anyone. And I know I had it better than many, many people. But that doesn't mean I haven't experienced marginalization. It doesn't mean that as I have not been oppressed. When you dismiss all men you are not considering the intersections of oppression that are working on all of us within the system.

Men are oppressed differently to women under patriarchy and capitalism. We are taught to express emotion less. We are penalised for not being man enough. We are often made into machines of violence, violence committed against women, against the other and also against ourselves. In many parts of the world we are made into machines of industry.

By and large we are oppressed less than women. We have more agency. We have less infringements on our body autonomy. We have more power to change our circumstances. We have more voice. But it really isn't as simple as men benefit from patriarchy and women are oppressed by it. It is systematic.

We are all potentially each others allies and whilst the rage we feel at our oppressions is understandable, when that rage is directed not at the systems but at groups within those systems we are doing exactly what we're supposed to be doing. Oppressing others because we feel oppressed is what many oppressors do. Oppressing because we feel entitled to oppress is a big part of the problem.

I don't hate the people who bullied me. I don't hate my mother or my stepdad. I see how the social forces, the trapped emotions, the weight and power of the system caused these things to happen. Perhaps it is my privilege, the safety I have found, that allows me to come to these conclusions, although I fear it will take me a life time to truly stop hating myself.

Twitter can be a place where people bully and shut each other down. I think it's the nature of the character limit and the speed of response time. But it's also something to do with group dynamics.

Anyone that has a thousand supportive followers has a gang. Power dynamics are still relevant of course some peoples gangs are larger than others. People should consider the size of their platforms. But the size of your platform isn't an indication that you are wrong or right. I don't think I have a gang but please don't attack anyone on my behalf. I didn't credit the tweeter because I don't want them to receive negative treatment for an off hand comment. I'd like to try and avoid the triggering experiences that I see from a distance suddenly descending on them, or on me. That isn't necessary.

I love twitter but it scares me because I don't want to be a bully, to silence people, to hurt or trigger people but I know how easy it is to do all these things.

I get that you don't want to kill me. I don't think it is my place to tell you what hashtags to use. I would never dream of banning any form of expression no matter how problematic it is. Nor, despite my privilege, do I have any power to do so. But perhaps this overlong jumble of words can make you consider the effect that you can have on people, whatever your intentions.

I can see the argument that as a privileged man it's about time me and mine felt silenced and had our experiences dismissed and minimised. If that's your goal and you use that hashtag to achieve it then well done. You've achieved it with at least one man.

I am remembering when I came third place in male solos at the school Eisteddfod doing an a capella version of this song as kids in the audience heckled me by shouting my nickname and questioning my sexuality. I think they only gave me a prize for the guts. Weird times.

Please consider knee jerk reactions to press regulation...

RIP Lucy Meadows: http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2013/mar/22/trans-teacher-lucy-meadows-press

I think the press have behaved so disgustingly but it's too easy to just blame them (though they should take in on their conscience, especially Littlejohn). We have a society afraid of difference and unwilling to approach people with empathy. That is something we all must work on. I include myself in this, as we all should.

All of the above said, whilst we can of course tighten up laws against intrusion, and put social and economic pressure on the organisations that control what news we see and how it is reported, I still don't think that "press regulation" is the answer. I don't think you deal with prejudice by silencing it by law and whether I am wrong about that or not I definitely don't think state regulation of what the media can say (and we are the media , blogs, social media, etc... will get caught up in the regulation) is ever a good idea. In fact I think it is yet another step towards a very bad political situation. We already have no real difference between the options of who rules us, we have laws that are giving us less and less freedom, we have a surveillance society, we have a state that suppresses protest, we have increasing pressures on the poorest and more and more laws designed  to protect the position of the richest.

I see so many people who I consider fellow travellers, who are opposed as I am to inequality, who believe in empathy and in a fairer and more sustainable society embracing the idea of state regulation. I can't emphasise enough that the state is not your friend, that there is already too much closeness between press and state, there is already too much focus on the interests of the status quo in our media.

This terrible tragedy does tell us that things need to change. That we need to try and forge a situation where it wouldn't happen again. But press regulation is not the way to do it. Worse than that I am not convinced that press regulation will get rid of transphobia from our media at all. But it will almost certainly silence some descenting voices.

I hate the media and their practices, they hound and mock the vulnerable whilst not challenging the powerful anywhere near enough. But as Amanda Palmer says "we are the media" we can share and focus on different narratives, we can share unreported facts, we can gather together with likeminded people, we can change what sells and by changing what sells we change what is said, because the mass media only publish stories that will make money for the people who back them.

#ThingsFeministMenSay:

Women and feminists have to deal with incredible amounts of terrible misogyny and trolling in both the real world and online. Any negative feelings I have reading the hashtag #ThingsFeministMenSay are insignificant in comparison to that.

And this hashtag comes from that place. From frustration and anger that is created by the constant pushback radical women face when trying to push for rights, equality, respect and ultimately a change to the patriarchal structure of society. I sympathise very strongly with the emotions at the root of this.

I also think that a similar hashtag with different wording could be a powerful satirical and cathartic twitter thread. There are plenty of patronising men out there who think they can come in and lead the feminist movement, who don't see their own privilege, who attempt to tell women what their feminism should be. Hugo Schwyzer for example who was the straw that broke the camels hashtag.

Is that what I'm doing in this post? I don't think so but some may. And I get that.

Cards on the table I am a white, middle class, cisgendered, heterosexual man. I am, by virtue of my skin colour, appearance etc... highly privileged. But that doesn't mean I don't have gender based shame, that doesn't mean I haven't experienced abuse, that doesn't mean the patriarchy has treated me well, and it doesn't mean I'm not a feminist. I believe there are plenty more intersections than the clearest ones and that their are categories within categories.

It took me years and years to call myself a feminist; partly because I was brought up by feminists and had read a lot of feminist theory and that had led me to consider it problematic to do so. But after a lot of time thinking about it, and many after many conversations with female and male feminists I was persuaded to the argument that men could be feminists and began to define myself as one a year or so ago.

When I say I was brought up by feminists I mean that my mum is a feminist and my dad would define himself as an ally or sympathiser or something like that. He was born in the 1920's and has come pretty far in his thinking on gender and at 89 he's come about as far as he's going to go. My older sisters were feminists in the 70's when the movement was coalescing and their influence on me as a child was similar to the influence of aunts. My dad stayed at home in my early years and looked after me. My mum went out to work. Things changed when I was 8.

I don't know how's stepdad defines himself in terms of feminism but his effect on our household was as patriarchal as fuck. My mum was both main breadwinner and the person who did all the housework, where he hit me but not my sister, at one point my mum even tried to change her personality to a less "nagging" one. And all of this only began when they married. That flicked a weird switch in him and he changed. He fell into a milder version of his own childhood's pattern of working class Irish Protestantism where the sons were beaten by their father and the daughter was a Madonna who could do no wrong. I don't know much about the life of his mother but I think it's reasonable to expect the worst. The worst of patriarchy. The worst of humans.

After they split my mum had a breakdown. I was 12. During that time I spent long nights trying to comfort her as she raged and cried. She repeated the (pretty fair) mantra that men had ruined her life (she me in this assessment) as well as making other less gendered statements like wishing she had never had me. During that time (and the time before it when at the same time as becoming aware of my sexuality I listened through thin walls to their marriage falling apart) I internalised a lot of shame and guilt about being a man.

I didn't fit in to my new school. Partly because I was an English boy in Wales, partly because I was seen as a "swot" partly because I had non-conventional attitudes like opining capitalism and supporting feminism) and stood up for them. But mostly, I think now, because I was so raw and damaged from what was going on at home. Whatever the reasons it would be years before I would form close friendships with contemporaries. I was isolated and alone. I was given a new name by bullies. They called me Melvin. This name seems trivial and innocuous but its effect was not. It became what everyone in the school new me as.

I was scapegoated for the frustrations of the other children. The name would be jeered at me wherever I went. I would be kicked and punched walking down the corridors. I was spat on from above on the stairs or sometimes from the top deck of passing busses. Things were thrown at me. Occasionally worse things happened.

My "othering" was a constant thing that didn't end till I left school. A lot of the bullying was homophobic (despite the fact that I am straight.) The worst of it was done by boys but girls certainly joined in too. Once a girl held me down whilst two boys kicked me repeatedly in the face smashing my glasses.

But much of the kindness and solidarity that I eventually received came from girls. And the few boys who were also othered.

I may be in all of the privileged categories mentioned above but I have some experience of systematic abuse created by patriarchy and powerlessness.

That doesn't mean it's been as bad for me as it is for many others. In many other ways I have been lucky and privileged. For example despite stopping going into lessons in Year 11 to avoid the bullying but I still passed all my GCSE's with high grades because I was privileged to be able to pass exams easily. I am privileged so I don't get stopped and searched in the street. I am privileged because I have never experienced sexual harassment. The list goes on.

But grouping all men into one group and situating them asthe system rather than as a part of the system is problematic.

If I made a hashtag #ThingsFeministWomenSay and listed things Nadine Dorriessays that would justifiably outrage a great many feminists. Feminism itself holds many views within it. I hace been told I can't be a feminist or eceb an ally. But women also get told they can't be feminists if they are pro (or anti) sex work for example.

It saddens me that people I respect and want to stand with dismiss a whole group based on the actions if the worst of us. I understand that the burden is in men to prove to be better than that. The experiences of many women lead to this dismissal just as I once dismissed all the children in my school and over time cane to see that there were many exceptions. And that not all bullies were equally problematic. Some could be reached and persuaded round.

I don't mind if you consider me an ally or agree that I am a feminist. But please don't completely exclude me. I don't want to lead you. I don't want to make feminism about men.

It has taken me a long time to stop being ashamed of being a man. It has taken me a long time to get to the point where I feel I can call myself a feminist.

Feminism doesn't owe my gender anything. Despite all genders being hideously forced into roles it is clear that women and trans people have been the greater wronged by patriarchy.

But I do hope we can all find ways to empathise across these imposed boundaries. Because we aren't that different.

My thoughts on this are evolving. I'm very open to being corrected if I am being stupid. We can try and check our privilege but we can't always see it so its important to hear feedback from others.

"should I work for free"

It's a complicated thing: What is "work"? What is "free"? I always have a problem with this sort of thing because I basically believe that all art should be free but I also live in the real world. Problem is either way you cut it, money determines what people can do.

I have only rarely been paid for my creative "work", and generally where I have it has been connected to compromising what I do. I exchange creative control for money, or I exchange time that could be spent creating but now will be spent doing admin for money.

I have "lost" a lot of money over the years doing creative things. And I generally channel any money I do from such stuff into making more stuff rather than my daily life costs. I have always worked full or part time in a day job to allow me to spend all my free time making creative stuff.

I have, over the years, been repeatedly called a cunt by people who are angry with me for asking them to "work for free". The first time I remember this happening was a sound producer who answered an advert I posted that was looking for producers to join a democratically run music collective called Apples for Everyone.  His emails to me grew heated in response to my repeated statements which explained that I wasn't paying the producer because they would be an equal member of the collective and any proceeds we made would be split equally between all band members where possible but probably would be funnelled back into the band in the short to long term to pay for recording etc...

His final communication with me with a very nasty and personal attack. The parting shot said that I would never be able to find any music producers interested in this sort of exploitation. It accused me of living in a fantasy world. Shortly after that 2 different producers joined our music collective and were both happy with the terms.

I have always tried to pay performers where it was possible, from back when  I was helping to produce music nights till now when I am running the Stand Up Tragedy variety night. I've never used any proceeds from a night I've run to pay myself, unless you count that one time where I paid myself back some of the expenses I'd had to pay out in advance, and I only did this after lots of persuasion from close friends. I have always sought to offer as much added value to performers for performing at my nights, especially when I haven't been able to pay them.

I have dealt with scumbag promoters in the music scene and I understand why people sometimes see me as the same as them.

The ways I am different from them are these:

1. I care about the nights I run. I programme them with the aim of making a unified and entertaining experience that will be interesting and fulfilling for audiences and performers alike. 
2. I book acts I believe in regardless of how many people they will, or won't, bring.
3. I don't ever get performers to pay to play. 
4. I worry that ticket prices are too expensive for audiences and would prefer to only produce free entry nights. In fact I worry a lot about what is fair, what is moral and what is ideologically appropriate.
5. When I can pay performers I pay them regardless of how many people they bring.

NB - There are plenty of non scumbag promoters around. I meet them all the time.

I do understand why performers, audio producers, graphic designers et al mistake me for one of the many people out there who are trying to exploit them. I am sure at times in my life I have made similar mistakes.

But the binary way things seem to go in relation to work and free and art is frustrating. With many people being exploited because they keep saying "yes" when they should say "fuck off". And many people saying "fuck off" when they should either say "No thanks" or "that sounds great!" I feel like people turn down fantastic experiences and collaborations because they feel they have to be paid for everything, and that people fail to ever get paid for making stuff, because they feel they don't have enough stock to ask for it.

This diagram is a pretty good starting point for changing your approach to this stuff.

But I also think that whilst artists need to eat and we have to tolerate the market getting all involved in our shit we should remember that art came first. We were making art before the market, not just historically but in our own lives, we didn't start making music or writing words, or performing, or whatever to make money. We do it to express ourselves and to comment on the world, we do it to connect with others, to have shared creative journeys with other people, because we are compelled to, because we love to.

For me these are the biggest criteria when choosing "should I work for free":

Can I afford to do it?

If Yes (see next question)

If No - Don't do it.

Is this something that would be creatively fulfilling and/or interesting to do?

If Yes - Do it! (unless the terms are so horrible and exploitative that it out weighs your gain.)

If No - Don't do it!



(This post is a reaction to this blog by Seth Godin)

Today @jadamthwaite and I will have been in a relationship for 12 years. Two years longer than my mum and dad's relationship. In 5 years we'll have lasted longer than her parents managed....

Today Jen and I will have been in a relationship for 12 years. Two years longer than my mum and dad's relationship. In 5 years we'll have lasted longer than her parents managed.

Please avoid having an anniversary on Valentine's Day; you can't get a table and everywhere is crowded full of other people's love stories and disasters.

I wrote this song when we moved into the first place we lived in on our own. It was a house because we were in Lancaster where renting a house is less than half the amount it costs to rent a flat in London. I rewrote, recorded and mixed it, in a one bedroom flat filled with damp and mice. I don't like the production on it that much now, which is funny because I spent a number of months working to get the sound exactly this way.